Indigo - Trust me mum..I'm an indigo warrior!

Written in May. 2012 ..right after a double Eclipse and Venus transit !!!

By Lesley Tara McDonald

(blog dedicated to my great goddess girlfriends.. and my indigo warrior son).

Yesterday I hit the gravel. My son cancelled his appointment with the drug counseling unit. Downright refused my carefully orchestrated healing plan and what I perceived as the last chance for his salvation ...and once again I felt myself spinning out of control.. After (another) crying frenzy, falling out with family who seemed unwilling (read are unable) to take him in, rescue him, I felt alone, rejected, abandoned and pissed off big time. Yep all my own stuff, childhood stuff thrown back onto the table yet again under the piercing light in the guise of my agony (which is of course true too as he is my perfect miror) about my son.

Once I washed my bleeding knees yet again, a weird sense of calm, then detachment, then finally letting go (this time a genuine soul deep letting go and surrendering) happened. I just literally gave up.

Somewhere during the night, despite the most blinding headache of all time, a sense of peace came. 

Dreams came too....looking out a bedroom window I could see a mountain had sprouted up closing me in. Then the scene changed and I was in my sons room (actually more like my old childhood bedroom or perhaps my brother’s) but then dreams often seem muddled where logic linear stuff is concerned, and in the dream it was my son’s room so it’s all kind of garbled together. 

I realized I had not looked out of his window for years (hmm.. quick analysis here, “perhaps not seen through his eyes”!!) and from his window the view was different. Firstly he was on the top floor and the mountain top was clear from his view and in the distance was a huge white castle. He could also see round the edge of the mountain to an open plain and fantastic view. All I could see from mine was the side of a mountain of earth! Then I woke up and am still trying to grasp the fleeting images before they evaporate as dreams tend to do.

Anyhow, since waking, and despite the almighty blinding headache still forcing me to run out and vomit every now and then, and also making me take a day off work which I never do but felt yesterday I had to and today I could not retract that though as my headache sealed the deal for me, I feel a fragile sense of strength under the surface of my drama and emotional pain. Yep..MY emotional pain.

So, inspired by you witchy goddesses and your forthright brand of courage and honesty (which I so admire), I decide to write a blog about something?!? No idea quite about what but could feel the urge tickling and for some reason I followed the prodding.

After a long while staring at a blank screen wondering how to unravel my muddled thoughts and write something coherent....  I decided to start by re- reading an old blog post where I had written:

“those who have grown weary and felt stress and even burnout holding on to the role of cosmic 'Mr. or Mrs. Fix It'... trying to heal, help and fix! loved ones and feeling it is our responsibility to do so. I know I have lived most if not all of my life like this and now I am learning to LET GO, to accept and respect each individual's soul journey (no matter how painful it looks from the outside) and learning to offer support but to drop the need to heal, fix (aka control!!) and take on others burdens.. not easy but necessary in these awesome times.”

....Yet here I sit today, again in the depths of despair and realize that my earlier ‘font of wisdom blog’ was all true in theory but I had been unable to really let go at that time. I knew what to do, I just had no idea how to do it and although my intention was pure, my desperate need to ‘fix it’ was stronger then, than my ability to really walk the talk…always falling back into the darkness of the doubt and the need to control the situation..

This is as far as I got (being me)…then a weird thing happened.. and call it delusional blind panic of a mother in denial (and my son is hash addicted let’s be honest, has dropped out of school, out of the system and is isolated and now refusing all conventional help, so a mother grasping at straws could be excused) 

BUT the words below came out of my fingertips all on their own, unplanned and unbidden and

somehow I felt like Dumbledore (which is why today somehow, I keep picturing you two angels as witchy sorceresses of great power and pure light)

My fingers began to type…

“But you didn’t bargain for a double eclipse and Venus transit ass kicking back then did you, nor the warrior soul strength of an indigo who just ‘knows’ and follows his inner radar unbridled by the reins of societal norms and yes, this is to the worldly detriment of his 3D being. Yet, somewhere you vaguely grasp that he knows at the deepest level of his being that the mirror he offers you is his planetary service and we remind you once again to take your hat off for the cosmic trust he unconsciously places in your ability to BE TRUE TO YOU.

Your son is on a path of mastery and this will bring him to the greatest depths of his soul. He is warrior soul and his path is clear. It is a path of complete truth and anything less will not suffice for him in this lifetime. He ‘knows’ what is at stake and he plays his part in the awakening of humanity as he should.  

He is asking for your trust. Give it to him. 

You will have to go on instinct alone as he carves new paths into the new world. He clears the way for a world free from the oppression of a mental health industry and mirrors only the dysfunctions he meets along his way. 

Accept him as he is without reservation, honor his inner knowingness for he will always honor you in this lifetime and he needs your full backing and support as he carves a fearless path into a new world.

Forget the old ways. These are outworn and tired. They are leaving this dimension as we speak and he has no use of the old. He is a being of light and cannot follow the old paradigm it is not his way. Forget what you have learned of counseling and psychotherapy, of digging deeply into old patterns and childhood wounds, for new times call for new ways.

Your son has been transmuting personal, family and planetary karma, no more and no less. The karmic journey now comes to its close and we stand on the edge of a new shore. Thank him for the work he has done to date and look forward in awe of what lies ahead.

Paths yet un-trodden are the domain of the indigo warriors, the old energies now transmuted they stand forth in their light as way showers for the new age.  When your son finds his path he will move ahead at full force as is his energetic coding. His way is the way of a new world. He must understand the futility of the old methods of healing as these are no longer of use in the energetic paradigms we now enter. His way is light. 

He will come to understand and manifest the light codes he needs to be the healer he is. He has had need to understand the darkness of the lower vibrations and feel and experience the prison of being cut off from his light. He will realize this and work to restore the body mind balance in his own time and will use this deep learning to bring forth this teaching in the world.

Your part in this craves faith, trust and courage”

... In my heart I hear him whisper "Trust me Mum" ..I whisper back.." I promise I will try"

Ladies I thank you for your inspiration. Not saying I can remember this wisdom at all times and at all moments when I dive down there (yuck).. but ..yes there is a light shining somewhere out there.

With love, 

Lesley